I often write about friendships and friends because occasionally I feel I’ve shortchanged myself in that area and it preys a bit on my mind. And some days I don’t feel that way at all. I suppose that sounds fickle. I’ve had, I think, an interesting journey so far with people and friendships. Because of that, I’ve decided to share some memories and thoughts about this journey.
I remember my first couple friendships from when I was 3 or 4 years old. We played all those childhood games together, scraped our knees together and most likely fought together. It was a time of innocence and learning how to socialize. And thankfully after all these years I’m still friends with those two girls. That’s incredible. Actually it’s more than incredible … it is a blessing.
Through public school I had the usual playmates and with those playmates went on to high school, which was an eye opener. High school friendships became very tough for me. I was part of a great group, then tragedy hit my family with the death of my father. Those friends were there for me, then as time moved forward things changed. I think we all moved in different directions. I was now living in a single parent home. There was only my Mom & I. And I did what I could not to worry her needlessly so I limited my activities. Thus I was left behind. Even though there were some groups I still really wanted to be a part of, they probably didn’t want me because they did activities I wouldn’t participate in. So I was a buzzkill. As for the organized groups I wanted to join, (sororities in particular) some had implied “rules” I wasn’t prepared to follow. The result … I had a few good friends only. Today, for the most part we’re still friends and when those living out of town are in town we get together to catch up. I may see or speak with them infrequently but at the core they’re still good friends.
SIDE NOTE: I didn’t share my high school memories to garner sympathy. I suffered no hardship, had a lot of fun and consider myself lucky to have shared different experiences during those years.
I did hit what, at the time, I thought was a positive stride friendship-wise in college. I met some really wonderful people and we became friends. We hung out together during breaks, lunches and went to a lot of the pub nights together. This wonderful feeling of being a part of a large group lasted throughout college until we graduated. Then I lost track of most of them. How is that possible, you ask? I don’t know. It just was.
SIDE NOTE: Gratefully many of us have reconnected and a few others have joined in. We have get togethers on a regular basis. It’s a good thing.
For many years after that I had lots of friends from different stages of my life, but not really that “I’ll help you bury the body” friend that people so often use as a gauge. Sure, I had people to hang out with, hit the pubs, shop a bit, but no one that met that gauge. No one I’d call my bestie, nor them me. It went both ways. Was it my failing or theirs? Who knows.
And I don’t use the term best friend lightly. To me that person is the one who knows you inside out and vice versa. It’s that person who’d go to the wall for you and you for them. That person you can tell anything, say anything and they won’t ever retreat from you. That takes time to build to that level. You know what I mean, don’t you?
SIDE NOTE: I believe I just described my husband.
They say a person may only have one or two of those friendships in their lifetime if they’re lucky. And not everyone has even one. They say that kind of friendship is elusive. They say that friendship is a cliche and doesn’t exist.
Me, I say a friendship like that does exist but is rare. I think we’re so busy living life, dealing with the good and the bad that we can’t or don’t take the time to grow and nurture that friendship. Sometimes circumstances get in the way. Sometimes we don’t click. Sometimes we just miss the signs. I suppose it is what it is. Or is it? Like I said, I think friendships are complicated.
Until the next time.
What a beautiful piece…I related to many of your experiences…I too never have had a bestie in my life ….came close a few times but discovered unfortunately our needs were different in maintaining a friendship …I agree with you …it’s almost impossible to find that one friend …if you do ,one is very very fortunate..
Look forward to your writings …🥰
Really enjoyed and connected with this post. I can relate to all of it, especially the absence of a "I'll help you bury the body" friend.
I started working on a draft this past Sunday about how friendship changes through the lifecycle (even my photo is similar to yours, but I swear it's not a copycat!) Rather, I think great minds think alike...lol.