A friend and I were casually discussing friendships and she used the word clique in the conversation. It got me thinking so I googled clique and found some really interesting information.
A good article I found was aimed at parents of middle-school aged kids, most notably girls. The article listed the differences between a group of friends who have many things in common and a clique (pronounced klik).
Very simply put, according to the article, cliques are just groups of friends BUT most notably, cliques leave other people out on purpose. The article goes on to list all the things to look for to determine if your child is part of a clique.
Some of the things you should look for …
Consists of an exclusive group of people
Insult people by trying to “improve” them
Focus on status, popularity or climbing the social ladder
Ostracize other people
Use their power to hurt or humiliate others
Curious, I further researched and found article upon article about people (mostly women) being caught up in and traumatized by cliques. From what I read there are social structures and dynamics within these cliques with some articles likening the clique leader to the Queen Bee in a hive.
I also read some really sad comments, again mostly from women, about how they were once part of a great group, until they weren’t. At first they started noticing small slights, like being left out of the latest invite or being asked last minute to join in. Then as things progressed toward isolation they felt they were being “picked on” based on their clothing choices or their weight or other such “stupid” (my opinion) things. Eventually they were made to feel they weren’t worthy to be in this group. And finally made to question if they were crazy and wrong to think they were targeted. This stuff can’t be lightly categorized as “cat-fights”, again in my opinion, these are nasty, spiteful, deliberate actions from mean girls. That’s right … mean girls.
Apparently mean girls can be any age. Someone I know was recently a target, in my view, of a group of women ranging in age from 45-70. She made the “oh so horrible” offense of not taking sides in an argument. She chose to be an adult and continue speaking to all parties and to stay neutral. This went against the group leader who decided that they all had to hate one of the parties, just because. So my friend’s out because … mean girls.
Ask yourself the next time you’re with your friends …
Are you friends or a clique? Does your group include everyone? Has your group recently stopped inviting someone who had been a part of the group?
It bears thinking about, doesn’t it.
Until the next time.