I met my first love in Grade 9 the first week of school. He was older than me … he was a grade ahead. He had an amazing smile and a great laugh. Whenever I saw him in the hallway my heart skipped a beat. He didn’t really notice me. I was just some girl he met in passing through a mutual friend. I wasn’t on his radar although he was on mine.
We shared the same lunch hour … him, me and our mutual friend so occasionally we ate lunch at the same table and exchanged a few words. On those days I floated through the hallways. I replayed those conversations in my mind like a broken record for days. I never told anyone about my crush, especially our mutual friend. It would have been catastrophic if anyone found out. My school year was spent pretty much like this … crushing, for the most part, from afar.
Then came summer. We ran into each other at a local carnival and seemed to have a connection. We went on rides together, shared a plate of french fries, then he walked me home. It was such a magical night. He promised to call me.
I waited nervously by the phone for a call, afraid it wouldn’t come and equally afraid it would. Miraculously it did. And just like that we were a couple. We walked the school hallways together, went to movies together and I think experienced first love together.
It was blissful for a few months and then he decided it was time to move on. I was heartbroken. I cried. I … loved … him. I didn’t understand how he couldn’t love me anymore. Maybe he never did. I felt that I was less. Almost like I wasn’t worthy anymore. (It was definitely a dramatic time in my life.)
It was hard seeing him every day in the hallways. Day after day after day. Until one day it wasn’t so hard. As each day passed it got easier and easier. My heart was mending.
And one day … there he was … right in front of me … the love of my life. I met him months before but didn’t see him because … first love bliss and then breakup angst. He was there the whole time. It almost seemed like he was waiting patiently for me to figure things out. Even back then I recognized he was “the one” and I sensed it may mutual. Thankfully it was. And over the years what a joy it has been nurturing this love.
I think we need the innocence and learning experience of that first love in order to appreciate, recognize and celebrate the love of our life. You may think otherwise. We all have unique experiences and different opinions. That’s a good thing.
Thanks for reading.
Until the next time.
Great story and wow...so familiar, right down to the carnival. Practice makes perfect in all things including love!
Thank you for sharing such a special memory of you and J!! Happy Valentine's Day to both of you!